Reunited with the father

They say life’s a bitch, and death? He comes like a thief in the night and takes those you love from you.

When Jesse first arrived

Yesterday we lost Jesse, at 3pm Els picked him from his bed to find she was holding a lifeless body, people had been in the room the whole time and heard nothing, he’d made no noise, there had been no fight. Jesse had been doing well, making so much progress he’d come so far we were sure he was going to be fine he’d gone from 780g to 1170g in just a week, i guess that goes to show how fragile life is, especially for premature babies. We don’t know what happened, and we never will it’s not like in the west there are no extensive checks, he was here, now his not that’s all we know.

They say death comes like a thief in the night and takes those you love from you, but I disagree.

Yesterday when I looked down on Jesse he was the perfect picture of peace, the corners of his mouth were almost curled upwards in an almost smile. Death is the most powerful expression of love the earth has seen; almost 2000 years ago Jesus gave his life to show how much he loves us, to give us eternal life and to give us the chance to live, with him, forever. Try telling me death isn’t beautiful.

We talk about someone being taken away, Jesse wasn’t ever ours to start with, we were his guardians, looking after him for his almighty father, and his father decided it was time to have him home, he wasn’t taken he was returned, he went to a better place. Does that mean it hurts any less, that I haven’t asked myself a million times why him, that I’m not angry or upset? No. I had to say goodbye to a beautiful baby boy, goodbyes are hard, I don’t understand why he had to go. But I know God’s plan is bigger than mine and he knows what he is doing. I will see Jesse again, and on that day when someone has to say goodbye to me, I’ll be safe, I’ll be home, I’ll be celebrating with him in paradise.

See how big he got!!

Death isn’t about pain or suffering, Jesse isn’t hurting anymore, he doesn’t have to be tired and exhausted after feeding, he doesn’t have to struggle for breath or fight to keep is warm. Jesse’s face told me he was in that place with no more pain, no more suffering, where no more tears will be shed; he’s where he belongs, with his father.

We mourn the lost, but we will not lose hope.

I wanna run on greener pastures,

I wanna dance on higher hills,

I wanna drink from sweeter waters in the misty morning chill

My soul is getting restless for the place where I belong,

I can’t wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song.

 I will not be afraid.

Rest in Peace Jesse, I love you, I miss you <3