A love i don't deserve

Boom.
As i was reading this is 2 Timothy 2:11-13, all i thought was BOOM!
Sometmes i think i've got it all figured out, i understand it, somehow i've made sense of it and then BOOM. i realise actually i don't get it at all....

For some of you, you will have been asked to imagine your whole life, everything you've done wrong, every thought, action, word being played in the movie of your life, and everytime you CRINGE! If judgement really was like this i would never want to die. The truth is we've all messed up and done stuff wrong, and if the people around us new everything we had done wrong friendships, families and relationships would probably  be very different. At least i don't think i would choose to be friends with myslef. But the truth is even without a movie of my life, God knows it ALL, and if there is one person that will never leave us it's him, now try and make sense of that!

But not only does he continue to love us, he continues to forgive us...
"A thousand times i've failed still your mercy remains, should i stumble again still i'm caught in your grace...."

Have you ever been really mad at yourslef? When you do something stupid, you weren't thinking, you just got caught up in it all? Sometimes it can be realy hard to forgive yourself. But God forgives us freely, unconditionally and eternally, he doesn't sit there are think hummmm nahh i don't think i want to forgive you this time, or well maybe you just went too far today. He forgives us over and over and over again. And the reason that he can do this is becuse he sent his son to die, for me, for you, for every person who ever walks this earth, he paid the price. How someone tell me how that is fair or how it makes sense?
It doesn't. But it happened, because God loves us that much.

We've all messed up and done stuff wrong, which means we can't go looking the creator of the universe in the face for every long...

I don't understand it, sometimes i find it hard to accept it, if i've let myslef down, i sure have let God down, and i don't want to face that. But the truth is i can beat myself up about it or i can let it go and experience the truth and the freedom that comes from the mystery, and it comes with 2 small words... I'm Sorry.